Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The End of the World

I've been having the kind of week where I feel like it's the end of the world. While there's absolutely nothing wrong -- no major health problems, no pending bankruptcy, no visits from mother-in-law, no bounced checks or foreclosures -- I keep having this nagging feeling that something isn't right, or something bad is going to happen.

This anxiety is driving me anxious!

And my "day of depression" seems to be shifting from week to week, too. It used to be very predictable -- either Wednesday or Thursday. I'd stay in bed and feeling the weight of that day pulling me down, and it'd take me hours to get up and do something. At least it was predictable. Now? It's as if my brain can't decide. Sometimes it's Monday. Sometimes it's Saturday. Sometimes it's Friday. It's driving me mad. I'd have the whole weekend planned and then BOOM! I'd feel depressed on a beautiful Saturday. What the eff?

But I wouldn't say I have full-on depression. A weekly funk is also not correct. I think I have a sustained, low-grade mood depression, which is not unusual for people my age, especially during this part of the year, or when we are going through some existential musing about our lives.  I went through a period like that about 5 or 6 years ago, and it seems like I'm up for another.

It's strange. While most people would go to the nearest pharmacy the minute they feel a cold coming, but they won't do anything when they feel depressed or in the funk. They just chalk it up as "having a bad day."  The problem is, if it's not just an occasional day or two, there's something wrong.

According to some statistics, most people in the US suffer from one form or another of depression or anxiety or mood swings. Prozac is one of the most prescribed drugs in the US.

I don't want to take drugs. I don't even think I have depression. But something isn't quite right. I didn't used to feel that way when I was younger, even when I was going through some really tough times. I always thought of myself as an optimistic, happy-go-lucky guy, and I still am, by and large. But something isn't quite right. This weekly funk is alarming, especially when I'm taking care of myself otherwise -- eating right, exercising, sleeping well.

I'm taking some precautions now. Supplements, mostly. The problem is, I'll have to keep taking them for at least a few weeks to start seeing results, but I'm really bad at taking pills or supplements. I forget. I hate it. But much like my gym routines, I know that I'm no longer 25 years old, and I have to start being religious about my "regimens." It's for my health, and it's not something I should take for granted.

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