Tuesday, October 5, 2010

This weekly thing is kicking my ass

I'm running out of things to say!

OK, something a bit more serious this time. Maybe even somber....

Over the years I've noticed something... people tend to warm up to me rather quickly and I've made some very good friends, but eventually, they all either moved again or stopped corresponding. I know that's part of life, where people come and go. Still, I kind of wonder, if there's something wrong with me. I notice that sometimes people irritate me because all they want to do is talk about themselves. And when I get irritated, I kind of shy away from them, too. Now that I think of it, I wonder if I have the same personality flaw. I know I can be rather self-absorbed.  I know when I'm excited about something (especially something I'm working on, an achievement, etc.) I may not stop talking about it. I wonder if people are genuinely tired of me, and that I should remember to be low key and stop talking about myself so much (thus the irony: I'm blogging about this! LOL).

Yes, we should be exactly who we are, and we shouldn't change for anyone. But, at the same time, if we have flaws and we can improve ourselves, why not? It's not "changing ourselves" per se, but to make ourselves better people. I'm not an asshole, I don't think. But I'm also not the most loving, selfless, understanding and gregarious person either, and I wonder why people seem to drop out of my life unannounced. I have friends who I see on Facebook all the time and who literally live blocks away from me, but they never call or invite me over or accept my invitation for dinner or say hi on my Facebook wall. Did I offend them? Did I smell or something? Was I so hideous that they don't want to hang out with me?

I know, I know. I shouldn't try to please everyone and if they don't want to be my friend, I should just accept that and move on. But I can't help but feel the problem is mine, and that I've caused such a rift, or how people shy away from me, the same reasons why I shy away from someone.

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